Self Exploration And Fakeness – My Thoughts And Tips
by Arashi + [The Consortium]
Before reading this document through and through, please remember that this is based mainly on my experience, with input from others and information gained over the past few years. This is by no means a perfect guide, nor is it intended to be the end-all-be-all of guides. This guide may be edited in the future based on new information and experiences gleaned over time, as well as added to by others.
On The Impressions Of Others
Whatever the reason, be it paranoia or lack of self-confidence or self-knowledge, there is a prevalent need not to sound fake. This is not a need that one encounters early on – the first experiences are always new and fresh and exciting! More often than not, however, one eventually enters a community that relates to their set of experiences – be it tulpamancy, or plurality, or otherkin. Encountering others places restrictions on us. We begin to respect at least some of our peers; respect forms a sense of bonding, and we do not want to betray that bond by being...different. By being fake.
Whatever the reason, and whatever the cause, we become desperate to fit in. We certainly do not fit in with ‘most people’, so we want to remain accepted by what sense of community we’ve found. In feeling this way and forming such a bond with a group of people, we become severely limited.
In my case, I have past lives to explore, masks to create – yet despite being a median system through various causes, I have hesitated to explore this sense of neurodiversity. Even among the people I trust most to know I am not being ‘fake’, I still worry and wonder. Perhaps that is simply my sense of paranoia – however, I do know that others have experienced such a sense before. So we need to create a space that is ‘safe’ for us to explore.
Personal Truth – A Sense Of Self
Before we begin to explore whatever we are wanting to explore, we need an anchor. Even though we are not exploring for the sake of others, having something to keep us partially rooted allows us to bring us back to ourselves. Perhaps especially important for median systems and some otherkin is an ability to bring ourselves back to the person that we are presently despite the masks or selves we wear or become. It is worth noting that this ‘anchor’ may or may not also help validate with the experiences with others,
This sense of self, this ‘personal truth’, can consist of a few things. It is likely going to be intangible, but it could be a personal possession as well. Here are some thoughts of mine:
Your name. The name that you choose to call yourself, regardless of legal name or not, can be your strongest self-identifier.
Your form. What you represent yourself as, not only holds a part of you, but also ideals derived from the form itself. Human, pony, whatever have you – everything has positive and negative traits that also help to define you.
A strong memory. A memory of you being you in the now, in your current life – something strong. For me, memories of my time with my late mother, as well as my mate, form a good package of memories that help remind me of who I am if I start to get lost in exploration or depression.
A personal belonging. The crystal that feels like it’s yours, the watch that reminds you not of the present time, but your past as well. Items and objects of sentimental value.
Someone meaningful to you. Your mother, your best friend, a tulpa, a system-mate. These people can often remind you of who you are, just by interacting with them.
A Safe Space – Or, The Black Box
With a personal anchor in hand or mind, you can assure yourself that you won’t get lost in space~
Jokes (and references) aside, it’s time to make your safe space. This isn’t literal...those who know me know I like to spend a lot of time dwelling in metaphors and imagery. You might not have a dedicated space for whatever you do, especially if you don’t do a lot of #metaphysics work, so any place where you can sit and be comfortable is appropriate.
To create a safe space, we will set an intent. This is to remind ourselves and let our brains/subconsciouses/spirit-guides/etc know what we are doing, and to leave us alone or help us in our endeavour. The following is an intent I have written that feels good to me, but you can re-write it or create your own as well:
I set this space with intent to explore myself without outside influence.
That’s it. Really. That’s as simple as it gets.
The whole plan goes as follows:
Sit, lay, or generally be-comfortable in a space where you are least distracted.
Take a few deep breathes.
Speak to yourself either verbally or in your mind, the intent that you wish to set. In this case, to create a safe place to explore and be you.
Explore. Force tulpas. Examine yourself. Do what you need to do. This part is all on you.
Do whatever you do when you are done exploring/meditating/etc.
If you feel lost in the wind afterwards, bring your anchor to mind, or interact with it/them if it is a belonging or individual. Take a few more breathes, and remember who you are in the moment.
This is a process I have been taking up recently, especially setting an intent when I meditate and relax. If nothing else, I can also make the period before bed a good time to set a safe space and explore and learn. The intent simply helps my mind focus on what I desire to accomplish. Hopefully, this process helps you too.