I am an avid proponent of hosts stepping back and allowing tulpas to learn, experiment, and make their own mistakes. In many instances, mistakes are good and healthy and allow for a learning and bonding experience. However, I do believe that tulpas, especially young ones, need no shortage of guidance along the way. There are some mistakes that are indeed not worth making, and others still that can result in a waste of time and energy for all involved.
One thing I see among many young tulpas these days is a lack of decency. Take, for instance, the tulpas who believe that they do not owe anybody respect, or who lack empathy for others, either by choice or by nature. I have seen several tulpas now cite their status as a tulpa as an excuse for inappropriate behaviour, believing that because they are ‘not tangible’ or ‘not human’ their behaviour does not matter as much as their host’s would.
Now, tulpas will define their humanity for themselves in whichever way they want, but like it or not, they are stuck in a human body, living in a human society, operating on human neurons. Tulpas have just as much potential and capability as the host has when all is said and done. So, like it or not, these tulpas are thus held to the same human standards as anyone else. Now, I have seen tulpas who are proponents of genocide, tulpas who are racist, sexist, ableist, and any other ‘ist’ out there. I have seen singlets, too, who share all of these same viewpoints. Like anyone else, tulpas are neither saints nor devils, but nobody in this world is excused from being a jerk, since if everyone was we would not have a society, or communities, in the first place. Newton’s third law and all that.
I say decency here, not empathy or respect, and I believe decency is at the root of the matter. You don’t have to care about someone to be decent to them. In fact, there are many people out there I do not care for, some who I absolutely hate, who I will still behave decently towards. Why? Because actions have consequences, and when socializing with others, I would rather be known as a mature and rational individual rather than a massive jerk. I may not like these people, but I do have to work with them.
Now, can I be a jerk? Absolutely. Nobody is exempt from that, everyone makes mistakes. However, it is also important for me to remember that, just because I am intangible (as intangible as Connor anyway), it does not give me an outright excuse to be a jerk. Overreacting to others, hurling insults, believing common courtesy and respect to be below me, is not a constructive attitude to take. Human or not, like everyone else, I am a temporary resident of this society, a human society, and as such I must mind my own behaviour in it. I must make an effort to be decent–sometimes I fail, but at the very least, I do try.
And if I don’t try, what will happen? Nobody will want to talk to me. If that happens? I will be back to square one, just myself and Connor, with nobody else to socialize with.
So this is my advice to hosts: if you are going to teach your tulpa anything at all, teach them common decency. Even if they have a hard time understanding others, ensure that they are aware that they must keep their temper and remain civil if they are going to deal with other people in the outside world. All too often I see a tulpa’s words and views being taken less seriously than those of the host, and their supposed intangibility used as an excuse for bad behaviour. Remember, you may be free to do as you please in the mindscape, but that does not at all extend to the physical world, and for hosts and tulpas to assume that tulpas are above consequences, and tulpas to assume that they themselves are above consequences, is a glaring mistake to make, for both the system in question and the community at large.