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Help: I think I've had a Tulpa for years

Discussion in 'Beginner and Creation Help' started by Stacy Morgan, Aug 12, 2016.

  1. Stacy Morgan

    Stacy Morgan New Member Tulpamancy System

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2016
    Messages:
    1
    Pronouns:
    She/Her
    Hey everyone,

    Thoughts..

    This is really weird for me to talk about because this is the first time that I've ever even mentioned this out loud. I recently learned about the term of tulpamancy. At first I thought to myself that it was more of a personality disorder and that there was no way something like this could exist... however, as I read on and learned more I've found myself in a position of believing I may have created a tulpamancy at a young age and never understood what it was. Here is my story.

    Intro..

    From a young age I never have any real issues with friends and family. Like anyone, I've had fights with these people in my life and it's affected me in a negative way. From as far back as I can remember, I had what I thought was an imaginary friend. Her name is Stacy Morgan. She has a first and last name, which I know can be confusing but I'm getting to my point. When I was young, I talked to this person thinking that she was just an imaginary friend. If I was crying or laying in bed at night thinking I could communicate with her. She talked to me, offered advice, and sometimes if I focused hard enough on her I felt like she was with me, literally inside my being. In my early teen years I thought that maybe I was done and it was a phase. She even shows up when I am out an about with friends or when I'm driving somewhere. Leading me to, the older I got the more nervous I was that something was off with me; Stacy was still prominent and evident in my every day life. I even see things from her perspective, like she was controlling me for a short time, affecting my emotions, giving my confidence where I lacked and even in some cases, I think she has developed so scarily well she's offered me what I can only think of is blimps of visions to something about to happen, and then it does. I know this all sounds a little crazy, or that I'm mentally ill but I don't think that's it. I think this is something that I created without even meaning to.

    Who is Stacy..

    From a young age, she's transformed. She's essentially me, but not. I like to almost think of her as an alter ego, since she is so similar to me but almost in a parallel universe type of way. We like similar things, we practically look exactly the same, and our thoughts merge. I've never quite been able to understand why her name is Stacy Morgan, but it is. She's taken on almost mystical form, by floating when we talk, but mostly taking on human form (in my mind of course not a ghost don't get it twisted.) She is a celebrity, shes famous but never seems to know what for. She's had an entire life that i could tell you her story, as if it's actually real. It's almost as if the traits I wish I had, I have formed into this being into this person who occasionally takes on my form but isn't me. However, I know this isn't multiple personality disorder or split because I don't turn into someone else suddenly, rather I eclipse with her, usually in times of need or when she wishes to warn me of something. The thing that makes her different from myself is confidence. I'm confident sometimes, but not in all situations. In fact, I can be about to do something that requires not being nervous or shaking, get a boost of adrenaline and then lose it suddenly. I believe in some way that she is able to predict things, and know them before they are going to happen. Now, this next part will sound like I'm crazy but it makes sense. I'll have moments where I will be doing something mindless, or I will not be thinking of it; be it a person, a show, a name. Suddenly, seconds before something happens related to that person, I almost get a thought in my head like somebody is telling me something (being Stacy) and then something will occur. For instance, I'll have not talked to someone in months, then suddenly I will have a thought even after not seeing a picture of them or even giving a thought to them recently and then I'll have a text from them, or a like, or someone in person will say something that I knew they were gonna say. I would ride it off as coincidence, but it happens so often I believe this is the work of my tulpa. I even believe I've hallucinated in her state or dreamed her dreams and woke up confused or when I am under the influence, which is usually when these things can happen, I take on traits of her. Or what I believe she is.

    My question to you..

    Sorry for the lengthy post, but I need help her. I feel as if I now know what this is and what it takes on but I need some amount more information to pin point that i'm not crazy or what people think this truly is. Also feel free to ask me for more information to help with giving a me a formulated answer.

    Really excited to here from anyone on here. Have a lovely day.
    xoxo
     
  2. Kid

    Kid The Gardener

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2015
    Messages:
    5
    System/Host:
    ForestOfSouls
    Pronouns:
    She/Her
    Hi there! So what you're describing here is a very familiar story for many of us, myself included. Some of the other people here might be able to give you better information on what possible forms of plurality Stacy could have manifested as, but regardless tulpamancy is a great place to start! Tulpas or other types of systemmates can be formed when you don't really know what you're doing. It's actually very common for people to stumble across tulpamancy and be all "Other people have more people in their head like me?!" I discovered tulpamancy a couple years ago under very similar circumstances. I can promise you, you're not alone here! If there are any specific questions you'd like to be answered, I'll do what I can to answer them, but simply put your situation is not an uncommon one!
     
  3. FallFamily

    FallFamily Forum Goddesses Administrator Moderator Plural System Mixed-Origin System

    Joined:
    May 6, 2015
    Messages:
    574
    Pronouns:
    She/Her, They/Them
    [Tri] Hello there, you two.

    It is pretty common for tulpamancy systems to have formed earlier in life before running into the tulpamancy community. You two are not alone in this. We were in the same boat, but not from such an early age.

    This is not uncommon.

    Quite a few systems have members with both first and last names, so Stacy is not alone in this.

    Sounds like blending or eclipsing possibly. Also experiences that are not uncommon. Hail, our host, has a lot of experience with this from both perspectives. We have some experience with this from the inside perspective.

    Something we have found is that a lot of things can be predicted using the knowledge one already has and a new perspective to the knowledge, such as a different system member looking at it, can predict things other ones didn't already predict, which can feel a lot like prescience. It can be hard to separate this from actual pescience, sometimes, especially if the predictions from existing knowledge take visual form. Which of these, or some mix of both, do you think it was? We are genuinely curious since we have had experience with the former.

    It is not uncommon for tulpas to have back stories and memories of it. Many such tulpas also call themselves soulbonds as well.

    That isn't how Dissociative Identity Disorder (formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder) work. One doesn't turn into a headmate. It is just like tulpamancy in that there are other people and you can switch, but in neither does one become someone else. Note, there are other areas where there are big differences so they aren't completely alike. But, in neither, does one become someone else. That said, the experience of eclipsing and blending, which can occur in tulpamancy systems and DID systems (though, more often in OSDD systems) as well as other systems, can feel a lot like becoming someone else. Also, it can feel that way from the perspective of body memory. Splits can be radically different from each other in some cases and very similar in others. Tulpas can be the same way. Some tulpas and hosts are very similar (for example, in our system, Hail and Violet are very similar). Some are extremely different (for example, in our system, Se. and Hail are very different from each other).

    Shared dreams where one person is in the dream and all others in the brain are along for the ride are something that can happen. We experience it. We know several other systems who do as well.

    We hope we answered some questions you might have had. You probably have a lot more, though.

    Have you read many of the information pages on the main part of the site: https://tulpa.io. It is common to find the forum but not find that stuff because the forum ranks higher in some searches in search engines than the information pages. You might also find https://tulpa.io/discuss/threads/is-this-a-tulpa-an-overly-long-primer.19/ useful.
     
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2016
  4. Arjun

    Arjun Member Multiple System Is a host

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2016
    Messages:
    37
    Pronouns:
    He/Him
    I will try to add my two cents, and respond:

    Because you ask for "information to pin point that i'm not crazy" I will first go into the fear of craziness
    I have myself been in a situation (long before I knew any of this) where I genuinely feared for my own mental stability as a result of inner spiritual experiences (part of it was my being switched sharply back and forth). My later conclusion was that the fear is worse then what is actually happening, and that we ourselves often dramatize. There are at least two types of fear. The first one is fear as a result of deep anxiety, and that fear can not easily be dismissed just by changing perspectives. It is a powerful bodily reaction of intense fear. The second type is fear that builds up mentally as a result of the chosen perspectives and current self-perception, and leads to a negative spiral where even worse perspectives manifest once the fear sets in. I will talk about the second kind of fear, because there is a risk for this fear, when we have the latent perspective that everything outside the "normal" is dangerous, illness, and crazy. I constantly questioned myself "am I crazy" and "maybe I will soon lose it", and "maybe there will be no return". This kind of questioning is linked to the culture we have where these things are not generally known. I suspect that this inner questioning was what later lead me to paranoid experiences of evil beings watching me (even though I must confess the paranoia may have manifested independently). (In my case: Doping my intense focus on all of it made it go away.)

    "Normal" people are often scared of things that are not within the span of the "normal". Terms like "mentally ill" and "crazy" are used out of fear and ignorance. It is fear when people genuinely fear the unknown. If you have experiences unknown to them, some will automatically fear (and attacking is often the reaction). It is ignorance when they are denouncing all that is not within the narrow span of being "normal" (and the reaction is often ridicule, in which "crazy" and "mentally ill" are used carelessly). Careless use of the terms, I believe, is part of the social dynamics and takes effect to reinforces a narrow view of what is "normal" and scares anyone who goes outside. Your fear or concern about your sanity would then be a reaction of yours caused by you being "outside".

    The term "mental illness": I of course can not evaluate you, but I will give you a way to keep a cool: Ask yourself if you are a danger to yourself or to anyone else. People who really are mentally ill, and need help, suffer in such a way that it is dangerous (or seriously hinders them from living a good life). Real danger is a valid source of fear for people. Just being different but stable, is often not a valid source of fear (in my opinion).

    Then we have the group of people who hold the view that their mental situation or overall behavior impairs or hinders them from living a normal life, or from being productive. Such people find use in visiting a therapist. You may ask yourself if your situation is a hindrance to living your life. In my own case, I have found out that what I have taken to be weaknesses, turns out to be my strengths when I accept, develop and adapt the traits. Maybe some people go to a therapist because they feel odd and "not normal", but I have always found it easier (and cheaper) to challenge the concept of what is normal, and allow space (at least on the inside) for who I am.

    My advice is to strive for happiness, and use your abilities (because I view them as abilities, from what I can interpret) to increase your happiness. If you are happy, stable and joyful, but still very different inside, you will not be crazy in my view. I myself am often more happy then "normal" people (as determined by daily observation), and my inner world is very different from what people know about their own minds.

    Because you ask "what people think this truly is", I will go into it also
    From what I read in your post, it seems like the tulpa concept will put a lot of things together. Try to find the things that will make you happy.

    My belief is that what you are experiencing is your mind having natural psychic abilities (even if not like stereotypical psychic abilities) or powers (which in my opinion is associated with tulpas). I believe the mind is much more psychic that we generally know trough our culture, and people are scared when these functions of the mind are strengthened spontaneously. In spirituality, psychic abilities are often seen as a consequence (but not the goal) of spiritual evolvement. (It should however not be used to glorify what is true mental disorders).
     
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2016