Front-hogging, and how to counteract it.

Discussion in 'Possession and Cofronting Tips And Articles' started by Falah, Nov 25, 2016.

  1. Falah

    Falah aka the Chiaroscuro

    Joined:
    May 6, 2015
    Messages:
    316
    System/Host:
    The Quandary
    Pronouns:
    They/Them
    [Architect] This is an adaptation of some advice we'd recently posted elsewhere.

    What is front-hogging? It's when your host/primary agrees to fork over some of the body time, and they end up taking it back anyway before you're done. It's usually not a deliberate attempt to hurt you on their part and more a matter of impulse and distraction, but it doesn't stop it from becoming any less annoying.

    Make no mistake. The responsibility to control themselves lies with them, and this sort of thing isn't your fault. But here's some advice that might make it easier for them to step back, and you to hang on.

    - Set concrete schedules. "I'll give you some time to front today" is extremely vague and very hard to hold anyone to. What's better is "two hours to front." What's even better is "two hours to front starting at 2 PM today." The more specific the window, the harder it is for the host to justify grabbing control back during that time.

    - Eliminate distractions. Close out Skype, close out their tabs, close out their games. Remove their knickknacks from the area. If at all possible, they should arrange to have all social obligations taken care of before the time you'll be fronting.

    - Customize the area to suit you. Open up your music. Bring out your own knickknacks. Prepare a drink that you like. Hell, plug in your favorite air freshener if you want. Create a space that declares that it's for you.

    - Find a hobby. Let's face it, wiggling fingers and walking in circles gets old fast. It's easy to get bored and space out, which then makes it easy for your host to slip back in. Draw, paint, write, code, read, do math. Anything that stimulates your brain, and that you also genuinely enjoy doing for the sake of doing. It's hard to find a passion, but if you can, you'll suddenly find it much easier to take front. In the meantime, explore and build up your own mental skills.

    - Take periodic breaks to ground yourself, especially when you're doing something brainless like washing dishes. Breathe, picture your own body and overlay it over your physical body, do a few coordination exercises (e.g. touching your hand to your nose with your eyes closed), remind yourself that you are the one currently in front.

    - Make friends that are your own, not as an extension of your host. There's nothing wrong with having mutual friends, but finding people that are your friends first and foremost will help to an extent that's hard to put into words. This is far easier said than done, of course, and I'll be sure to dedicate another article to this.

    - Build your own identity. Build a sense of yourself that isn't based on what your host has told you about you. Find things that make you think of yourself, find people you admire and emulate them, find what you value. The better an idea you have of yourself, the easier it is to be yourself at front, and the more likely it is that you'll find your passion. This is another easier said than done thing with many layers, which will also warrant its own article. However, it's also something that snowballs easily.

    - Take on responsibilities. Don't have to be big ones, little ones like taking out the trash or doing the laundry work as well. Get used to staying at front even when it's not actively fun, and take pride in having a direct hand in daily life.

    - By all means, negotiate your time with them. Play an active role in getting your time. Don't be afraid to be a little pushy. Don't be afraid to show your disappointment if they renege on a prior agreement just because they wanted to play WoW. Yes, I know, tulpamancy culture discourages tulpas from doing this and encourages them to be as little of a burden on their host as possible. I personally think some parts of tulpamancy culture are far too soft on the host. If you want to learn, you have to have discipline, and it's not out of your place as a tulpa to enforce it.

    - Along the lines of the above, get comfortable with asking. Ask if you can help with things. If there's a lull and your host isn't doing anything in particular, ask if you can have a little time to doodle or to write. Ask if you can try out their game, if you can try cooking dinner. Be comfortable with accepting "no" for an answer--this is a place where mutual trust is important. This habit is especially important if you want timesharing to simply be a part of everyday life, instead of just an isolated slice of time, and is a large part of negotiating your own time.

    To tl;dr the above, a lot of it boils down to: make agreements as clear as possible, clear out distractions, build an independent mindset and self (yet another thing to write another article on), exercise smarter as well as longer. There's a few other nifty mental tricks--meditating your host away, using symbolism to place mental barriers between you and your host, and flat out pretending your host doesn't exist and has never existed--but those are a little more intermediate, and would warrant their own article.

    If you're a tulpa, don't despair. With enough fronting practice, you'll get to the point where you can catch your host trying to hog front and be able to brush them aside like a stray thought. It won't be easy, but you'll get there eventually if you keep trying. If you're an alter, lucky you. Chances are that you already innately have that ability. But if you want to minimize the annoyance, you might still find this useful. If you're neither tulpa nor alter, you're still welcome to make use of this, although I don't think I ever needed to give you permission.

    Cheers.

    PS: Oh, and this really should go without saying, but if you don't have a strong rapport and trust in each other, you should really work on that before delving into possession and switching, as this does involve a lot of power exchange. Just saying.
     
    Nen likes this.