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Communication issues

Discussion in 'Beginner and Creation Help' started by Sandclaw, Jan 22, 2017.

  1. Sandclaw

    Sandclaw New Member Unsure/Questioning

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    So, I created a tulpa recently and some weird stuff happened. For one thing when she was speaking to me one of the first times, I had to focus intently on her words or else I'd hear really loud mental static over the top of them. It hasn't happened since, but I'm still wary that something similar might happen again. Thoughts?

    Another issue is that she came out pretty much 100% the opposite of how I expected her to and I'm not really sure how to talk to her? She knows that I intended her to be different and I'm fairly certain that's one of the big reasons she's been acting as aggressively as she has been. Or maybe she's just an aggressive person inherently? I don't know.

    Also is there any way to make sure that she doesn't hear certain thoughts? I don't think my unsureness of this whole thing or my fairly common intrusive thoughts are helping her impression of me any.
     
  2. AGGuy

    AGGuy Professional Pancake Multiple System Is a systemmate

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    Aside from "practice makes perfect", be aware of how much in plurality is belief- and, mirror-invertedly, doubt-based. In simple terms: The more you think it will happen again, the more likely it is that it will. And invertedly, the less you think it will, the less likely it is.

    Well, she's a person. No matter what you intended her to be, she's now there and who she is, so the best, most constructive and beneficial and most decent thing for you to do is to take her as who she is. And be open and honest with her.
    No matter if she's inherently aggressive or not, this can do nothing but improve things.

    Well, again: Most things regarding plurality are strongly belief-based - you make the rules. If you want there to be a distinction between thoughts she hears and thoughts she doesn't, then it's well within your power to will it to be so and make up some rules for it.
    I, for example, have kinda two "ways" of thinking... one that doesn't feel "loud" or front and center, and one that does. When present, Rina and / or the others will hear the latter, but not the former. Same thing vice versa.
    Mind you, Rina has been around for over a year, and the others for close to a year, and I do still accidentally slip up and "think out loud" sometimes despite all that time (and so do Rina and the others, actually). Erring and slip-ups are only human, so that's kinda unavoidable, albeit improvable.
    In short: Decide on how you want things to work between the two of you (together, of course), get things to work as intended, and the rest comes with time.

    And as a general advice from experience...
    ... relax. Really, don't worry too much. Now, that isn't to say you shouldn't think about and confront issues - rather, it means you should absolutely think about things and confront them together, but do so in a level-headed, calm manner.
    No one's rushing you two, you have all the time in the world to take things at your own pace and in a manner comfortable to you.

    And that's everything from my side!
    Hope it was a bit helpful.


    Greets,
    AG
     
  3. Sandclaw

    Sandclaw New Member Unsure/Questioning

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    I understand your advice, and I really appreciate it. However, part of the problem I'm having is that any time I have a thought I'd rather she didn't hear I immediately think "Oh man it would really suck if she heard [bad thing]" and then she DOES hear it, and I'm not really sure how to stop that. Also, when I said that she was being aggressive, that was me trying to politely say that she's being somewhat mean-spirited. I realize now that I should have made that more clear to begin with. Either way, she is not happy with me and I'm not really sure what I should do, especially because I find it difficult to communicate with her on purpose.
     
  4. AGGuy

    AGGuy Professional Pancake Multiple System Is a systemmate

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    Well, in plain ol' English: If she truly is being a giant, mean-spirited dick about things, then the best you can do is approach her as an adult.

    It's as simple as this:
    No matter who did what, why or how, and no matter whether anything is as it was intended to be or not, the two of you now share this life and will have to find a way to live with that and with each other. So both of you have a choice: Be giant dicks about it, or act responsible and make the best you can of what you have.
    Make this abundantly clear to her, and that you're more than willing to find a way for both of you to be comfortable sharing this life with each other, and of course hopefully come to appreciate each other. Hell, it's in her own best interest to try and accomplish this as well.
    So try to approach her in this manner, try and sit down together and work things out. Make it clear where you're coming from and what your hopes and ideas are, and on the other hand also listen to what she has to say; cooperation and communication are the key words here.

    As a side note: Maybe also try to understand her a bit. Try and see things from her perspective... all this might be seriously weird to her as well, maybe far more so than for you. So, depending on her personality, her being aggressive or mean-spirited might very well simply be her being defensive / confused / wary.
    So, again: Be clear and open about your point, but also try to understand her a bit.

    And about issues with communicating and thoughts being heard by her... again: That's one half willpower, and one half practice.
    The most detrimental obstacle to overcome is doubt. Rest assured that this half of the problem really is this easy to solve: Do away with doubt.
    I know that this is harder to do for a lot of people than it sounds, and I understand that; it's hard to not doubt, it's hard to believe that things will work if you put your mind to it.

    Which is exactly why I'm hammering this point into your head so much. I'm sure pretty much any plural system of whatever kind out there, no matter what kind of system they are and what set of beliefs and practices they follow, will nod in agreement and speak with me here when I say: Overcoming your doubts is half the battle, if not more than that.

    And if you find it hard to believe, which is completely understandable, here's a really amazing practical example:
    Rina's best friend, someone else's headmate by the name of Allison, learned to achieve first (and great) successes at Rina's self-invented equivalent to classic imposition (a method that she named "projection" Neither of us knew at the time that this term already stands for something else... which doesn't need any input or effort from the host / other systemmates at all, it's fully independent) in a single day. How? Purely by displaying the willpower to convince herself that she could.
    So as you see, overcoming your doubts and truly believing and knowing that you (Which is to say, both of you!) have power over your own minds is the biggest tool you will ever have in all this.
    But no one is able to give you this tool; you have to be willful and determined enough to reach for this tool yourself.


    Greets,
    AG
     
    Last edited: Jan 22, 2017
  5. Sandclaw

    Sandclaw New Member Unsure/Questioning

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    Thank you so much for your help. We were able to talk things out and while she's still fairly distrustful of me she isn't being antagonistic anymore. I think that she might have just been scared/confused at the prospect of suddenly existing (not that she'll say that). Either way, we're on much better terms now.
     
  6. AGGuy

    AGGuy Professional Pancake Multiple System Is a systemmate

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    That's really good to hear.
    Glad I could be of help! : )

    My regards to her.

    If you are ever in need of advice again, or if you want someone to talk to about this kinda stuff in general, feel free to hit me up via PM; if you want we can exchange Skype info or so. : )

    Might also be interesting for her - Rina herself popped up unintentionally without me at all intending for that to happen, and we both went through quite an amount of "whatisallthiswhyeven" in the beginning... Rina probably more so than me.
    So especially talking to her might turn out to be interesting / of some merit for your headmate...ess. Female headmate. In German, my second mother language, there's a verbal distinction between male and female for most words where there is a practical one... sometimes it weirds me out when there isn't in English. xD


    Greets,
    AG
     
    Last edited: Jan 23, 2017
  7. Sandclaw

    Sandclaw New Member Unsure/Questioning

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    She thanks you for your regards.

    I can't seem to figure out how PMs work but if I knew I would totally take you up on your offer to talk about stuff.
     
  8. AGGuy

    AGGuy Professional Pancake Multiple System Is a systemmate

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    I sent you a PM.
    Thouest needs only reply to it.


    Greets,
    AG