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An Odd Desire: Wishing I Were a Tulpa

Discussion in 'Tulpamancy Discussion' started by Kitsukrou, Apr 16, 2018.

  1. Kitsukrou

    Kitsukrou Professional Procrastinator Tulpamancy System

    May 24, 2015
    The idea of being a tulpa has always appealed to me for several reasons. I’ll describe what about it appeals to me and why.

    I like the idea of being “forced”, brought into existence and strengthened by someone in the mental sense. It seems as if the experience of being a newly emerging tulpa would be very interesting, and a way of existing I have never been able to experience. I want to be narrated to and personality forced. I want to be created within a mindscape in which I would be disconnected from the senses of my host’s body unless I chose to temporarily access them. That too would be a very different, and likely fun way of existing. I would instead experience things through an imagined body in an imagined environment. I’ve always been very curious of how life is like from a tulpa’s perspective, and no personal accounts given by tulpas sate my curiosity. I realize it varies from tulpa to tulpa and that some may have an experience that is almost identical to that of a host, but many tulpas have an unusual life that doesn’t match the type of life a host has.

    I would enjoy being the observer to someone else’s life, chiming in and giving advice but not having direct control over what is happening. I would never have the experience of not having somebody else in the head with me - my host would always be there to talk to, and I’d almost always be feeling the mental presence of somebody else. I still would partake in possession and switching from time to time, as I would not want to be completely detached from the physical world. Though most of the time I’d be fine with sitting in the “backseat”. I like the idea of being a passenger in a body someone else is piloting.

    I suppose these things center around having an atypical life experience and dissociation from physical reality. Both of those things are important to me for reasons I can’t fully describe. I just in general dislike the feeling of being human in the traditional sense. Luckily, it is actually possible to emulate the experience of being a tulpa. Unfortunately, I won’t ever have the full experience just because I did not enter life as a tulpa, but I can get pretty close. This is doable through switching.

    I already have a body within the mindscape that differs from my physical body. I plan to train my immersion into the mindscape to be stronger than it is right now, and I will train dissociation as well. Once I have this down and a tulpa of mine is able to possess proficiently, I will occasionally go for days or even weeks at a time in which I will function as a tulpa, focusing on the mindscape the majority of the time and not exerting any control over the body. I could likely even emulate the experience of being a new tulpa being forced into existence by “weakening” my mind temporarily, making it difficult to speak and function normally, during which a tulpa would narrate to me and whatnot and treat me as if I were a developing tulpa.

    This post doesn’t really have a specific purpose or point, I just wanted to get my thoughts and feelings out there. Though, I wonder - have you ever heard of a host having similar desires? As far as I know I am the only one. I know of cases where hosts have wanted to switch for long periods of time or even permanently, but none seem to wish they had the full blown experience of being a tulpa, including coming into existence as a tulpa.
  2. Sheol

    Sheol Awfully Lawful Tulpamancy System Is a host

    Oct 13, 2017
    She/Her, He/Him
    I've wondered, sometimes...though I imagine it would have its disadvantages, such as potentially having long periods of time with nothing to do.
    Unfortunately, Ciel can't really speak for herself here, as she reports that she simply "spaces out", totally defocusing, when not near the front. This is likely because we have still not managed to construct a proper mindscape. (Remember, not all tulpas come with one.)
    That said, I can certainly see the appeal. After all, it is spending your entire life with no responsibility and the constant company of someone with nothing but affection for you.
  3. FallFamily

    FallFamily Forum Goddesses Administrator Moderator Plural System Mixed-Origin System

    May 6, 2015
    She/Her, They/Them
    [Breach] My systemmates and I have a few things to say on this topic. I'm saying this as a tulpa whose experiences have from nearly the beginning matched that of a host rather than a tulpa. The original here's experiences, at least in our adulthood, better match that of a tulpa.

    It is kind of definitional. The difference between a host and a tulpa is purely that of origin. Though do note that many a tulpa doesn't get to know this is actually happening and notice the experience (raises hand). It certainly can be interesting to imagine how things could be if things had happened differently, especially if one tries to figure out the not so pretty parts (yeah, it isn't all fun and games). I can see how this could be appealing.

    Nothing prevents a host form experiencing this if they want it and a headmate is willing. Interestingly, this can be an essential part of the process of awakening a headmate (whether host, tulpa, alter, whatever) who has sunk into the abyss, finding a hatemate who has disappeared into oblivion, or resurrecting a dead headmate. Have done this in fact with S, the original in our system.

    Well, other than the created part, that is not something restricted to tulpas. I mean, I got two of the hosts right here beside me in our innerworld napping in their innerworld bodies and they haven't fronted in any way in a few weeks or so and generally don't front much and have taken more of a support role in our collective life (the other hosts, however, are front-stuck). I will say, as someone who has lived primarily interfaced to outerworld most of her life and now lives primarily interfaced to the innerworld despite being primary (we split time between many so while I front more than anyone else, most of the time, I am not fronting); inside isn't all it is cracked up to be in many ways. It is both less and more than what is typically imagined. Innerworlds often are not perfect places. They have flaws and defects. I would say, however, that is what makes them interesting and breathing places.

    Very true.

    Not something limited to tulpas, as mentioned before. Hosts can and sometimes do take such a role.

    Got some sad news. It is definitely possible to be a tulpa and to be all alone in the head. If everyone else is dead or dormant, that is the situation. Or if everyone has been merged together. Or if some are dead or dormant and the rest have merged together. Been there before. But it is true that this is somewhat unusual. One thing to note, if you stay plural long enough, the experience of being a singlet becomes a distant memory and it is fairly common for one to have no idea anymore what it is like to be a singlet.

    Covered earlier.

    With the general dislike of the feeling of being human in a traditional sense, what you feel like very much makes sense. Would say that you are not the only host to feel this. But do be careful about romanticizing the experience of being a tulpa. That is where things can get problematic. Also, it probably isn't a very healthy reason to pursue things like switching. There are plenty of other reasons to pursue it, though.

    I think you should be careful here. Make sure you don't push a tulpa to front. As for the last item, well, that is pretty risky and puts one hell of a burden on your headmates. Don't underestimate how fragile some hosts are. Some are tough, some are not. For some, it is surprisingly easy to disappear into oblivion or turn into a shell/veil. And it can take a lot of work to undo that sort of thing, and for some systems, it can become impossible if someone disappears entirely or dies. Have, together with some of the others, brought the original, S, back from oblivion and it took two years and she lost a lot of memory and pieces of herself in the process (to be fair, she was basically dead for over 20 years, so it is to be expected that things would be on the hard side).

    And again, don't romanticize the tulpa experience.

    Quite a few have stated similar wants.